Saturday, April 30, 2011

After All of the Press Coverage That I Afforded for This Shindig, I do not Warrant An Invite or Even the Opportunity to be Best Man? Weak.

The most anticipated wedding in recent memory has come and went. No, I am not talking about the holy union of Walter and Eunice Marshall of Yankton, South Dakota... Yes, yes, I am speaking about little Willy and Duchess von Scowly. While I have criticized the level of media coverage here in the states, the sound of derision (obviously out in the open) comes from my lack of an invitation.

It seems that not everyone enjoyed by my article about the magical jelly bean bearing the visage of the aforementioned perpetually frowning noble. Regardless of the motivation, I am disappointed that the invitation never arrived. Perhaps, it was lost in the mail or they could not remember how to spell "Funkowitz" (It is spelled exactly as it sounds).

I guess it is my fault for expecting to be invited considering I am a fourth tier journalist with a moderate following (fourteen people). Anyway, the date has come and gone... I waited on pins and needles for its arrival. Who cares that I purchased a snazzy suit, arranged hotel accommodations and was able to get the necessary time with my task master of a boss. You might ask why I did not simply take a much needed holiday to the United Kingdom in spite of this snub... Who would want to endure this circus if they were not involved. Thanks, Monarchy... You dashed this poor gents' spirits.


  1. I heard that William heard you bad mouthing Trump whom is the subject of William's Hair Folicle boner every night...and thus threw out the invitation in a premature balding rage.

  2. In my heart of hearts, I know it would be unwise to go toe to toe with Donald Trump. I had no idea it would affect my relationship with William. I can totally see William kissing a picture of Trump (that sits on his nightstand) before hitting the sack. To which, Middleton says "Get a room" in between scowls.