You can smell it in the air... No, I am not speaking about the temperate season of Spring nor the sweet sweet sound of leather hitting ash (baseball)... It is wedding season. Did you hear that some effete Englishman betrothed a commoner? I cannot believe it meself, such a vulgar action... The downright scandal!
Honestly, the level of coverage here in the states is nauseating and has replaced ipecac as the primary tool for making me vomit. This drivel has reached its apex now that a jelly bean has been found located bearing the likeness of none other than Kate Middleton herself.
This is a sign from a power on high... Although, the message is cryptic. Does it mean that there is seven more weeks of winter? Nuclear apocalypse? A pop-quiz in Ms. Thompson's seventh grade Government class? Perhaps, it means there is a sale on kidney beans. Wait, wait, I have it and the answer was staring me in the kisser... It is a slow news day. By slow, I mean the world has grind to a halt or rather came to a full stop and there is nothing else to report on. Oh no, the vomit be rising again...
Someone finds a jelly bean that bears a slight resemblance to a woman whose sole claim to fame in life is marrying a guy with the world's worst receding hairline and we all have to endure stories such as these. Have no fear Willy (can I call you Willy? What do I care, you will not be reading this), I am a close second in the receding hairline department and thus feel your pain (Sadly, I am not being sarcastic). All in all, this story occupies the same level of newsworthiness of me scratching me arse. At the very least this act of coincidence will fetch the owner a couple of pounds, whereas my potato chip bearing the likeness of Richard Milhouse Nixon left me with a wicked case of heartburn.