You don't have to be intolerant to know this sucks...

Beautiful Melodies telling you Terrible Things Vol. IV

I meant to do a concert review, or something not too negative for this new post, maybe even do another article on Nirvana, but, then I saw this video premiere and I couldn’t NOT touch it…

Schizophrenia A mental disorder that makes it difficult to tell the difference between real and unreal experiences, to think logically, to have normal emotional responses, and to behave normally in social situation.

If the above quote possibly describes you, or if you’re a fan of Mrs. Bighead from Rocko’s Modern Life repeating the same lines over and over again, this may, in fact, be your cup of tea…

Gaga may or may not be schizoid (though, let’s be honest, think of any Gaga appearance at an awards show and tell me how it DOESN’T apply to that definition) but this new song of hers, “Judas,” certainly is. No wonder she likes to cover up her face with fake blood and a crown a fifth grader made in their arts and crafts class, I wouldn’t want to show my face after putting out that song either.

But before we really get into hanging “Judas” from a tree (pun fully intended), let me touch on Gaga the topical songwriter. She fancies herself a leader for the oppressed, the forgotten, the made fun of. Yet, here’s a little something from her interview with NME recently regarding ripping of Madonna’s “Express Yourself” for “Born this Way”….

“Why would I try to put out a song and think I’m getting one over on everybody? That’s retarded.”

Wow, Gaga, I’m so glad to see there was plenty of room on your tolerance bus for the mentally challenged. Guess her mantra is “If they ain’t gay, they can defend themselves their own way…GAGA!”

I thought of some more, and no, she’s really not making fun of anyone. I came to a realization, to understand Gaga, you must first learn to speak her language (which apparently means somehow slipping your name in every song you do and rhyming it with random words that don’t actually rhyme). No, friends, Truth is, I apologize Gaga, you can’t really “make” fun of something you are. I’m making a case right now, Gaga may or may not be schizoid, but I think she may be mentally challenged. She does walk around calling herself “Lady Gaga,” which goes along with her singing as possible proof she cannot speak that well beyond baby talk, so she uses her “Goo-Goo-Gaga-pick-up-telephone-Mommy” language to make up for it. Also notice her clothing, beyond just wearing stuff for shock and awe and a little water cooler talk, I noticed she enjoys wearing spiked shoulders. Now, last I checked she was not starring in a live action film based on “Brutal Sports Football,” and I also think I’d notice her managing the Legion of Doom aka Road Warriors in WWE. Back to my point of making fun of something you are, she can’t do that, because she IS mentally challenged, so when she says copying Madonna would be “retarded,” in fact, what she is saying, her Goo-Goo-Gaga-Dada-give ma pacifier club dance language is in fact:

“Why would I try to put out a song and think I’m getting one over on anybody? That’s totally me. GAGA!”

Let’s move on though, this isn’t about the fact that calling someone intolerant because they don’t agree with your opinion actually makes you the intolerant one, and this isn’t really about “Born this Way” or it’s musical ‘inspirations’ either, you may dig that song, and that’s cool. Maybe it’s your anthem; maybe you sing it to yourself when the school bully gives you a wedgie. That’s cool, but honestly, can you say you like this tune? First off, Gaga is sort of becoming the Ace of Base of 21^st century music. By that, I mean she seems to pack one melody (oh excuse me, this is dance music, beat, not melody), so she has one beat (two at best) yet somehow has twenty-five songs. If you’ve heard “Bad Romance,” you’ve heard “Judas,” just, a somehow more coherent version. There’s something I thought I’d never say…

From the bad rhyming to the fact it often feels like three different songs spliced together, then somehow makes it’s way back to the origin only to accidentally get spliced back with the other two songs again. Listen, moving a song into a new direction can be a good thing, not when it sounds like I just accidentally hit the shuffle button. Then there’s the fact that she pulls another “Gaga,” by that, I mean she enjoys repeating the same line…over…and over…and over...Like if he we hear her say it 75 times it will become hip suddenly. It worked at first for her, if you’re still in love with it, well, you probably LOVE all of ZZ Top’s “varied” solo’s. Also, let me add, I’m SO GLAD I’m not the only person who hears (and sees for that matter) a resemblance between Gaga and Mrs. Bighead from Rocko’s Modern Life…

The video itself is what it is, and while some shots seem to have been shot on a DSLR. I doubt they were, and it’s tough after all the compression these things go through to make it to youtube, but the aliasing and smear on some of the shallow-DOF shots seemed more like a DSLR than say a Red-ONE. Also, whoever did the Avid editing on the animated-matte keying around Gaga to keep her in full color should had a tough job with her hair blowing in the wind on the motorcycles, but I give him/her credit for doing a, overall, solid job on that. All in all the video isn’t going to win any awards with me, and while it’s nowhere near the piss-poor quality of the song itself, it’s sort of your typical 2011 music video in look, feel and execution.

Finally, I get to the writing, which is just…bad. The rhyming finds itself to among the worst of her career (all what, fifteen months of one?) with “Gaga” and “Judas,” listen, we GET IT, you love yourself...you love your name. That’s fine, we’re all egotistical to a degree, but please, not every song needs us to remind us you probably worship a mirror every morning. Aside from that, you might wanna read that there Bible with dust on it, because it wasn’t Judas who denied Jesus three times. I’m sorry, that’s just poor journalism (that one goes out to you Manny). More than that, the whole faux-love story thing between a modern day singer and Biblical character has been done before, and much better might I add, by Regina Spektor years ago. Not only does the song actually have a story to it, with the added touch of Spektor's brilliant playful lyricism that's such a key to the uniqueness of her songs, but Spektor has an idea what a pure, un-schizoid melody can do to help drive a song home. Sure, she could have suddenly busted out with some bongos, dueling sitars and a bluesy slide-guitar rift in-between some auto-tuned "Sa-sa-samson Sam-Samp-Samp-Son's...Samson - Spektor!" I guess the song is okay despite not having that to it. No, it probably won’t be played in a club anytime soon (I suppose that's a "bad" thing?), but in fifty years, when Gaga is looked upon as nothing but a product of an overly-worthless (in a top-40 radio sense) era, Spektor’s best work will be looked upon as poetry set to piano...