Monday, July 1, 2013

Gonzi's Annual "Summer can eat a D*CK" column

We've only officially been in summer for about 2 weeks and I'm ready to call it a season. I was out running errands with Gonzi Jr. today and had to call it a day at noon; Once the sweat starts accumulating under the man tits, you know it's time to go inside.

Yet people LOVE the summer. They love it like their first born. They go about their day as if the sun isn't chillin' on your shoulder daring them to stay out another 15 minutes. I seen this guy walking around in a black hoodie....zipped up all the way up....with jeans and boots. And it made me realize that I could lose weight if only I could commit beyond jeans and timberland boots in the summer. 

I think I've always hated summer. Even as a kid, summer break was never fun. I was always forced to go to summer school (which was crafted by the antichrist himself I'm convinced) or the Boys and Girls Club. Summer school is pretty self explanatory as to why it sucks but the Boys and Girls Club was a special kind of suck. Sure you get to play pool and do arts and crafts...but the god the kids....they were tyrants! I couldn't wait to get back to regular school where the guys were only petty thugs and the girls were prettier. lol

My birthday falls in July and I would still happily skip every one for the rest of my life. Every single possible gift (which let's face it, I'm a grown man with kids...there's a good chance that's the case anyway) for the rest of my life. 

I invite you to provide me with upsides to summer. I guarantee that I'll have an equally if not a worse negative counterpoint. Go ahead.....I'll wait...

Barbecues? Seriously...who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to cook over a bonfire when it's the hottest time of the year? 

Summer Blockbusters?  A new shitty Will Smith Movie.

Vacation days? Teenagers loitering in public places. 

Swimming Pools? Pee and Chlorine in your mouth and eyes. 

MLB All Star Weekend? MLB All Star Weekend.

Girls in Bikinis? Herpes Simplex.

You guys have fun with alllll that....Here's my idea of a good summer. 

Oh yeah.....Summer can eat a big fat veiny D*CK!

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