Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Thanks. Now, Preparedness for a Zombie Attack is at an All-TIme Low
Someone over at the Center For Disease Control (CDC) is a genius. During the whole senile old coot using an abacus, three kidney beans and a goose feather to prophecize doom, someone decided to make emergency preparedness fun. About time! Now, if someone could revolutionize how a fire drill is conducted... Talk about dull. For one reason or the other (probably because I spent the entire week dogging the Alzheimer induced soothsaying of a madman) I did not take the time to read this online pamphlet.
Now, that I have, I feel more confident that I would survive a catastrophe occurring in nature such as a hurricane, tornado, earthquake or flood than an attack from the living dead. I am speaking of the need for potable water, canned foods, batteries and the like. However, when dealing with an onslaught of the walking dead, the firearm is king. Seriously, this list is devoid of anything that I can use to protect myself and my loved ones. You could have put something on there, a baseball bat, chain saw, golf club... Even a rock. I suppose they were hoping that the zombies will fear a stern look or a rattle of the fist causing them to forgo feasting on the food within our melons.
As I said before, this guide was not only entertaining but downright cute. However, it was far from practical. You know what will happen to those following this manual to the letter in a zombie apocalypse? They will join their zombie neighbor Jim who previously stole their WiFi before it and their sweet juicy brains after it. This was because they followed the motions for surviving a natural disaster not an unnatural disaster one. Shame on you, CDC. You have reduced the emergency preparedness of this fine nation's citizenry for a zombie attack with your list. It is like you pulled the fire alarm at a school. Also, I found your assertion, "If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak" to be laughable. We have all seen the Walking Dead and how woefully unprepared the Center For Disease Control is for dealing with such an outbreak.
Previous Muckraker© Posts:
- 01 June 2011 - Thanks. Now, Preparedness for a Zombie Attack is at an All-Time Low
- 29 May 2011 - If it is not Being Used to Declare the Peanut Butter and Jelly the National Sandwich, I Would not use the "Autopen."
- 21 May 2011 - You are DAMN right his curtains are drawn and he will not answer the doorbell!
- 20 May 2011 - Why Does Anything Pertaining to Roswell Have to be Crazy? Personally, I Think That Episode of Futurama Set in Roswell is What Happened There.
- 17 May 2011 - Eighty-Nine Year old Man Hypothesizes World Will End in 1994 was Wrong so the World Ends This Weekend. What a Buzzkill, Who can plan for that?
- 07 May 2011 - Donald Trump Would Not Be A Good Choice For a Third Grade Student Council, Why Does he Think he Could Run the United States?
- 04 May 2011 - Oh Atlantic Monthly why has Thoust Forsaken Basic Journalistic Prinicples and Turned to Fluff?
- 03 May 2011 - So, Osama is Dead, Wonderful... But, Is America Suffering From a New Afflication... Premature Celebration?
- 30 April 2011 - The Award-Winning Trilogy Comes to its End... It has Everything, Explosions, Romance and Attains a Level of Absurdity Unmatched Previously in Politics
- 30 April 2011 - After All of the Press Coverage That I Afforded for This Shindig, I do not Warrant An Invite or Even the Opportunity to be Best Man? Weak.
- 27 April 2011 - Breakout the Bubbly and Get Those Lamp Shades Ready. Birth Certificate Produced! Victory or Four Years of Wasted Time
- 24 April 2011 - Evidently, A Person Does Not Need to Prove Their Identity Prior to Assuming the Most Prestigious Position of all the Land... President.
- 17 April 2011 - From my Perspective, it Looks More Like a Rorshach Test Resulting in Getting My Ire up... At Least it Was Able to Get Her Scowl Right.
- 13 March 2011 - The Best Part of Cloning Trees? Now, I can Command an Army of Trees Like Those From the Wizard of Oz!
- 14 February 2011 - My Gym is a Hot Bed of Conservatism!
- 7 January 2011 - Nugent Says Palin Would Make Great President Because of her Looks. I Disagree, For He Has Not Taken A Gander at Yours Truly.
- 23 November 2010 - Rather Than let the Nobel Prize go Unclaimed... I will Step in and Accept That Sweet Medal... Oh, I Guess I Will take the Modesty Prize as well.
- 19 November 2010 - How Apropos... The Man Whose Actions and Policies are Best Described as Unconscionable has Feelings. Who Knew?
- 10 November 2010 - May Facebook Save the Queen or Further Decline of the American Media.
- 04 November 2010 - Does this "gift" come with a reciept? I Think I Have Something That Needs to be Returned... Since it does not Fit.
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