Thursday, June 27, 2013

On a mission to civilize or "who is dropping those eaves?"

Who is that dropping eaves? Oh, it is just the United States government. Straight out of Fort Meade to the computer in your home, rotary phone... Yes, even that sweet Blackberry in your pocket. The government knows everything that you are doing from your pony fetish to that horrifying video involving two women, an orangutan and a trampoline. You know the video that I am talking about... Perv. Anyway, the scandal has broken and the world is collectively shocked. Breathes were held before being released in a long winded gasp. Won't somebody think of the children?

Bravo... Bernstein, you successfully solved the world's most pressing issue. What tipped you off to this mishegas? Was it Edward Snowden or the four whistleblowers that preceded him? I am glad that you are finally catching up to 2002. Definitely living up to your reputation of being the fourth estate of government these days, aren't you. Seriously, you spend most of your time on such mindless rabble and then "boo, hiss and snarl" at something that has been in existence (under one name or another) for twelve years? How about focusing on things that matter all the time not just things that tend to be important... Never. 

I do not care that some person is going to prison for this crime or that nor for whichever D list celebrity ran their car into a waterpark while high on paint fumes. However, I do have an interest in the inane rambling of a dictator on the Korean peninsula (What happened with that?) or the government spying on all of my communications. I wonder why that it is? I know the response to this position is that I should be fine with the warrant-less wiretapping because I have nothing to hide. To the people that say that, I respond with a resounding, "fuck you."

This decision to spy on the collective citizenry of the United States is wrong. Whether you are Democrat or Republican... Whether it was made public during this administration or the last (or even one before that) is wrong. This should not become a civics lesson but honestly, you know what other countries engaged in this behavior? They are not good company to associate with. In the end, the question should be "Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?" when our advocate has placed their gaze elsewhere and in turn, ours as well.

Gonzi's Back: The greasy slippery slide of a homegrown heroine.....I do declare!

"Only 30 Slaves? I  figured Great Grandpappy owned at least 4 or 5 dozen!"

By now I’m sure everyone has heard about what’s going on with Paula Deen. The self proclaimed “Queen of Comfort Food” has found herself in a dilly of a pickle and heavens to betsy...she just doesn't know what to do, y'all! As the resident "Angry Minority" of PORTEmaus, naturally this story ended up on my now astronomically high pile of "Stories for The Gonz". 

Listen....I’m not gonna do....what everyone thinks I’m gonna do and JUST FLIP OUT, MAN!!!! I’m not gonna call Paula Deen an Evil White Devil Diabetic Wench. She’s been through a lot and I don’t want to beat a dead deep fried donkey.

Let me be clear.....I support freedom of speech.....even if it's hate speech. I don't like it but people have the right to say what they want....and not be prosecuted. But under no circumstances does that mean (nor should it mean) that people can say what they want and expect there not to be repercussions  This includes corporations that are paying you millions of dollars wanting to distance themselves from your bigoted point of views. When the views were expressed are irrelevant and her 'southern roots' are a horrible excuse. I've met some extremely tolerant and admirable white people from the south .
However, all that said...I was ready to give her a pass as she was going on "The Today Show" and was going to beg for forgiveness. 

Wait....what the fuck?!? Run that last bit back to me?

"(SNIFF) I’ve had wonderful support.  And I tell you what, if there’s anyone out there that has never said somethin’ that they wish they could take back, (SNIFF) if you’re out there, please pick up that stone and throw it so hard at my head that it kills me.  Please.  I want to meet you.  I want to meet you.  I is what I is and I’m not changin’.  And I– there’s someone evil out there that saw what I had worked for and they wanted it.

*Blank stare*......You Evil White Devil Diabetic Wench! "I is what I is and I'm not changin'"? So let me get this straight.....You come on national TV to "apologize" and sum up the interview by basically saying: 'Having said all that...If I had the chance to redo it, I probably would and once I leave here I'ma get on the phone to continue planing my dream plantation wedding."

Paula Deen isn't sorry she offended anyone. She's sorry she got called out on her racism and that it is going to cost her millions. She just wanted to continue selling diabetes to the masses; craft-fully packaged in butter and deep fryer grease.

This 'evil' you suggest that is out there to get you, Paula...isn't evil.....It's a disturbance in the force being balanced out. Consider it reparations for the 30 slaves your great granpappy owned. Take your licks and recover from this like we know most outed racists do. You'll be fine. 

That is until your cardiologist literally sees the a "Land O' Lakes" logo in your Angiogram. 

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

The times they are a changing...

It has been a couple months since I have given you all a progress report about the happenings at the Maus. Well, here goes nothing. In the past two months, we have past the 75,000 hits mark and traffic to the site has remaining constant... Which is always nice. However, I am figuring on biggering and biggering and biggering (That was a little Seuss reference for all you kids)!

Foremost, I was hoping to create a better mobile experience and took Google on its boast of creating mobile versions of websites. It was a colossal failure and resulted in PORTEmaus not being visible on mobile devices for a couple of days. Apologies all around for that one.

New content schedule. I cannot speak for the other gents but you will getting new posts from yours truly every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I shan't commit to an articles length or such nonsense but I promise to keep to the deadlines.

Finally, I hope to have a new layout created in some fashion by the end of the summer... Hell, maybe I might even get the archives back in order. Let this establish the new beginning...

As always, your humble servant,