Friday, August 29, 2014

PORTEcast (08/29/2014) - A Spirited Debate about a Chap Named Tarantino

PORTEcast (08/29/2014) - A Spirited Debate about a Chap Named Tarantino

On this episode, the newly named Wassman (formerly the man known as Rico) takes on Manny on a sophisticated topic such as Quentin Tarantino. They verbally go at it on the subject of Pulp Fiction and Inglorious Bastards in a no holds barred cinematic debate. It goes without saying that Manny will be assuming the role of the dissenting opinion of Mr. Tarantino. They will touch on absurdity of  Tarantino's initial decision to not film Hateful Eight and then subsequently changing his mind. We are about to enter a holiday weekend and I cannot think of a better way to start it, so let's get to it.

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Wednesday, August 27, 2014

BONUS PORTEcast Episode (08/27/2014): BANG! You Have a Love Letter.

BONUS PORTEcast Episode (08/27/2014): BANG! You Have a Love Letter.

What is this? A mid-week PORTEcast... I am shocked. I suppose if you finished the episode from Monday, you are wondering what happened to the audio of Bence, Rico and Manny playing a round of BANG! and Love Letter. Well, for those die hard PORTEmausketeers (or what every you would like to be called), I have surprise for you. Available right now, you can listen to those three gents playing both of those games as well as Manny the iconoclast's opinion on the experience. I do not know about you but I am going to grab a cup full of moonshine and cue this bad boy up. Enjoy.

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Monday, August 25, 2014

PORTEcast (08/25/2014) - Roll Die Again... Game Over, you have been killed by the Orc

Today's Episode:
PORTEcast (08/25/2014) - Roll Die Again... Game Over, you have been killed by the Orc

If it has not been said yet, it will be now. We are nerds or at least that is the territory we are venturing into on this episode of the PORTEcast. Bence and newcomer Rico attempt to get me to understand the joy of tabletop gaming, also known as the type of gaming not endorsed by the tyrants at Parker Bros. who want to continue their monopoly (Get it?  I will show myself the door) on fun. They are going to discuss some of their favorite games and I need extra courage from our fictional sponsor this week, Southern Moonshine to make it through this episode.

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Friday, August 22, 2014

PORTEcast (08/22/2014) - HBO wants more Leftovers

PORTEcast (08/22/2014) - HBO wants more Leftovers

The great news from this past week is HBO's decision to renew the Leftovers for another season. Quite frankly, this show has been the lone positive spot this summer on the television front. Sure, there really is nothing on at the moment but this show would be great regardless when it is on. In this episode, we will discuss The Leftovers from a several different perspectives including the decision to renew it in spite of the "low ratings," the characters, its examination of loss and how it relates to past shows such as LOST. That sounds like a good time to me, lets get started.

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The Violation of Gonzi Supreme

I'm about to embark on a tale. A tale of violation. A violation of trust. A trust lost.......because of a violation.

So I'm on a company mandated business trip. (Gonzi is always working...even when I'm not). And it's the last day of my trip. My business concluded by Noon and my flight wasn't until later that evening. Why not go to a local mall and see the same exact stores that exist near my home? Am I right??

So there I am in the midst of my scroll. Watching people. Judging People. Hating being out in public. Such is the life of an anti socialite.

Wander. Wander. Wander.

When I notice, from where I'm standing at about 10 o' clock....What can be only described as a little enclosure...a corral if you will....of masseuses. Complete with the ergo friendly massage chairs, lotions and all of that. Before I have time to retrain my eyes on my set path ahead, I connect eyes with a tiny little woman who may or may not have been Asian. I don't want to prejudge but judging by the fact that she couldn't speak English, I think it's fair to say she wasn't born in the area.

Anyhow, she runs over and anxiously gestures me over to her area. I happened to be tired physically after the traveling and sleeping on a mattress in a hotel. A mattress that probably had just been used for a hate fuck session between an old white racist and 400 pound African American woman named Dolores the week before.

I caved. Fine. I'll let this little lady work out some of the kinks before being on my merry way. She brings me into the corral where there is an Asian American man who takes my baseball cap and shopping bag. She points to the chair and I sit:

Where pain and stress go to die.....And shame and victimization are born

There I sit. Face down. Already feeling more relaxed before the massage begins. All aboard the relaxation train! After a few seconds, I feel her hands begin to rub my shoulders and get to work. I think:

"Not a bad way to end a long business trip" Famous last words, right? 

As the massage continues, I think: 

"Wow. She's got a firm grip."

This is normal. Due to my large stature, masseuses generally use a lot of pressure, so no red flags yet. 

"Wow..Wo..UGH..Wow...She sure is strong for such a small lady. Good for her! She probably never bugs her husband about opening jars for her and shit."

The pressure of the massage intensifies. 

"Well I guess I'll be sore for a little while...stop being a bitch.."

Just as I'm talking myself into enjoying this massage...I hear a voice. A voice that has to be within a few inches of my head. It's in a foreign dialect...maybe Chinese...not sure....One thing I am sure that it came from a Man. 

"A MAN?!! What happened to the lad...."

I then hear a voice that is definitely a woman and definitely not as close as the man was....giggle. 

I shout in my head:

"THAT DECEPTIVE LITTLE...OH SHI...AHH!!" My brain realizes what my heart is already been telling me...

"You're about to get man-handled, son!"

The male masseuse proceeds to apply more pressure to my back muscles...more than I've ever felt before. 

At this point..we are about 3 minutes into a 20 min massage. The next 17 minutes involve my face getting mushed into a badly placed metal bar on my chin where the face holder is. Him twisting my arm like I'm under arrest. Punching the shit out of my legs. Before finally saying...

"Okay sir..all done!"

I had been deceived. I had been hoodwinked. Violated and then charged for the experience. 

Let me be clear. The idea of a professional male masseuse giving me a massage doesn't bother me....especially while I'm fully clothed. 

What bothers me is the fact that a little Asian Man who couldn't have weighed more than 135 pounds could make me (a 6'3 300 pound man) cry and shout in pain. He could have his way with me. And HE DID! 

All I could do was take it. 

The moral of the story is: When a masseuse half your size runs up to you in the mall, shout "RAPE!" and run the other way. 

Monday, August 18, 2014

PORTEcast (08/18/2014) - The Dark Knight Returns... From the Archive

PORTEcast (08/18/2014) - The Dark Knight Returns... From the Archive

Who likes cliffhangers? I know that I do not. I want instant gratification damnit! Anyway, this is the conclusion to the materials found in the PORTEmaus crawlspace and for the most part, it is quite jazz-like. It is the stuff that you come to expect from us, a lot of riffs and in the case of this episode... Zero structure. Which makes sense since this episode discusses such topics from Batman and Rise of the Planet of the Apes to such inane topics as Zooey Deschanel's knees and Twilight. We also get to the bottom of what Ahmed Best has been doing since his breakthrough role in the Phantom Menance... Well, that took a nerdy turn. Why are you still reading this? There is a good time to be had! Pop in those earbuds and set the volume to a reasonable level, a PORTEcast is about to begin.

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Friday, August 15, 2014

PORTEcast (08/15/2014) - The Dark Knight Rises (Part I)

PORTEcast (08/15/2014) - The Dark Knight Rises (Part I)

We were rummaging through some boxes in storage and came across this gem from the archives. Never before posted on comes the episode that covers the prologue and trailer to The Dark Knight Rises. Yes, this episode has been edited together multiple times and then subsequently lost multiple times... It truly is a miracle that this ever made it to air well over two years after being recorded. This episode also seeks to explore and confront the hidden (and horribly written) underworld of the teen movie reviews. Gonzi, Hawk and Manny conclude the episode by discussing the less than favorable review (if you can it that) of a film that was an entry in a local film competition and the cult behind directors in cinema. So, enjoy this gem because it is highly likely that part II might be lost before next Friday.

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Monday, August 11, 2014

PORTEcast (08/11/2014): "Good Idea, Bad Idea"

Today's Episode (08/11/2014): "Good Idea, Bad Idea"

Rumors about movies are the damndest things. Like most speculative things, they may end up being true but most times, they are so horrible that you do not want them to be true. Other times, they tend to be made up simply to fool people. This is the thought process behind Good Idea, Bad Idea. Bence sits with Manny and picks his brains on the prevailing rumors in the realm of television and film to get his opinion on such matters. Interspersed within the real rumors are some that are blatantly fake and some that Manny wishes were (No, I am not going to spoil the bits). So, let's give this a listen shall we.

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Friday, August 8, 2014

PORTEcast #2 (08/08/2014): Something Found in our Storage Locker

Today's Episode: Something Found in our Storage Locker

It is a Friday and that means that today another PORTEcast is being released and it covers such up to date content as the Summer Blockbusters from 2011! Yes, there will be a brand new episode on Monday, we just felt that it would be nice to get everything in one place. After all, if you did not catch Volumes I through III than this is new to you! Also, you will not have to travel various places to get these three episodes as they have been spliced together into a slightly longer version than your normal PORTEcast. So, enjoy this blast from the past for the first time or as a nice morsel to tide you over until Monday.

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Tuesday, August 5, 2014

PORTEcast episode 08/05/2014

Who would have thunk it? It looks like we were able to get the bulk of us together and get a microphone to record it. Well, the second time at least after failing to record the first thirty minutes and let me tell you Jerry, it was gold. Hopefully, we can keep this momentum going and publish these with more frequency than say once every two years. Anyway, for your listening pleasure, I bring you: PORTEcast episode (1) - 08/05/2014.

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