Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Indestructible... You say? I Can Already Imagine a Fatal Flaw.

The Biometric Wallet by Dunhill... "Helps you keep your money secure by not allowing you to have any." (This is the slogan you should use...)

You really have to love the society we live in... Where a man (or woman) can piss away eight hundred dollars on a wallet. Sure, it is biometric and can be opened with your fingerprint but really eight hundred dollars? If someone expects me to spend that kind of bunse on a wallet, it better have cab fare to the nearest sanitarium in it. (Or the nearest hospital after my wife proceeds to shoot me in the gut)

Near indestructible... The article that I read about it did not elaborate on what it could stand up to. I think this is the apologists way of saying that it will not stand up to the effects of the following... Fire, water/ flood damage, Sulphuric acid drip, baby vomit, thermonuclear destruction, rhino attack, free fall from 30,000 feet, phlegm, a karate chop, zombie apocalypse, alien autopsies, summer school, boredom, sectarian revolution, depression, global warming and ill-fated time traveling adventures to name a few.

For eight hundred dollars, it better survive any sort of situation like those listed above. Also, it should be able to hold me when I sleep, make me breakfast in the morning and tell me I am pretty. Wait... Wait... It can not do any of these things but it can set off an alarm on my phone if it is separated by a distance of fifteen feet. Genius! I never carry my wallet around my house, so that would be going off all the time! I suppose if it is difficult for you to hold onto a wallet then you deserve to pay eight hundred dollars for one... Otherwise it is time to turn 14 (or the poor reference to the last time I lost a wallet). Sadly, I see this wallet ending up at Ross for fifteen bucks in the near future. Then I will buy fifty-three of them...

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