Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Another Gonzi PSA: Social Terrorism

You ever hate someone without ever knowing or even speaking to them? Sure you have. You hear people talk about how much they hate
celebrities, politicians, neighbors, etc. How about ever hate someone who you see all the time but have never spoken to? Someone who you've never even hear speak? Someone that you know absolutely nothing about...except the fact that you hate them?

There just so happens to be someone like that wandering the halls here at the office. Who for no logical reason I've hated....that is until today. I was going into the break room this morning to get some of the gourmet award winning crap coffee that is available for everyone when I saw my nemesis. He also appeared to be preparing some coffee. After some time, of blocking the station with his unnecessarily slow coffee stirring, he waddled out of the area. (I neglected to mention that the nemesis is morbidly obese. And that he moves slower than his metabolism after his 5th trip to the beef bar at Golden Corral.)

So, after making his merry way out of the break room I approach the coffee station only to discover a small puddle of spilt coffee. On the exact spot that Mr. Stay Puff Jr was concocting his morning beverage.'s sort of a dick move but whatever..I can live with it. So then, I go up to the first thermos and press the button....I get a sputter of liquid and mostly grounds. Ok...Not a problem....he didn't start a new pot....but that's probably because there's coffee in the second thermos....then I go to 2nd one...push the button....Sputter and Grounds.

Really? You drink the rest of the coffee, don't start another pot, AND leave your spilled coffee on the table. This is when it became clear to me.

I have a super power. I am the first human being who can ACTUALLY 'judge a book' by it's cover. I knew there was a reason I hated this guy. I couldn't exactly put my finger on it but now it all makes sense. No good reason to hate this guy? NONSENSE! The man is clearly a sociopath with an eating disorder.

Or perhaps the random guy who started whistling and snapping his fingers at the urinal while I was in one of the stalls is the sociopath. In either case, the point is...whether your right or wrong never be afraid to trust your 'gut' when it's telling you that that random fat dude you see all the time is actually a social terrorist who would eat your children if he had the chance.

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