Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The ups and downs of being an elderly 28 year old man

Aging. The inevitable process of people, places, and things getting older. I've become more aware of this process because of developments in my life aka having a family and kids. And as the world ages around me, I realize that it's not all bad. My parents have become more entertaining. My dad officially decided to embrace his retirement and join the HOA board. His main motivation? Getting a car towed because some guy from another complex parks in our complex. Nothing better than Spite Volunteerism. Meanwhile, a thousand or so miles east, my mother becomes more hysterical by the day. I was telling her about how at any given time, at least 2-4 kids in Rakim's class have runny noses. To which she replied "You know...I need to call that place and find out about their cleaning regimen. I could work for them and do a better job."

I love those two...while it's certainly fun to marvel at your parents oldness (Karl Pilkington), aging is not all fun and games. As each time you go for a haircut, you realize that your hairline is dropping hints that it may be time to consider alternatives. Mine told me the other day "Perhaps if your head wasn't a large, abnormally shaped planet you could invest in some Kangol hats." It's a fact of life I suppose. You wake up one day and the hair from your hairline has migrated from your forehead to your stomach/ass.

Speaking of Stomachs, remember when you could live on a steady diet of fries, bean burritos, and pizza in high school? Nowadays, I eat a single burger and I'm ready for a nap and 5-7 tablets of Tums.

And don't get me started on music. Holy Deep Fried Skunk Balls Batman. I hate everything that these kids listen to nowadays. I won't get too much into it as I am not the resident music columnist at this paper, but every time I have the misfortune of hearing the radio I can't help but think that someone who loves this song will be president in 30 years.

Anyhow, while there are certainly woes of getting older, for the most part I'm enjoying my wisdom and therefore superiority to anyone still in school. Just stay away from my car, buy some clothes that fit, and for the love of obese baby Jesus - TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!


  1. Pretty much nailed it. Getting old is rather bittersweet...and as much as we told ourselves at age 15 we'd never become THAT GUY, you know, the one that doesn't "get" the in-music and fads of the day, that we'd be cool forever, we grow up and do turn into that guy. Of course, that in itself is cool. Because, let's be honest, I'd rather be all things you mention here (good and bad) than be 15 in 2011...

  2. I find myself thanking god every night that I'm not a kid in this decade. lol